September was a very long month
Day 1 has been fantastic, although the amount of ‘working’ done needs to be improved on! To be fair, I had to sort out a couple of things before I could really settle into it – landlord visit and dentist appointment for a start. Tomorrow, though, I become a machine!
I’ve been taking my daughter to school now since the first day, and it’s been great to be able to do it. Other than the fact that she hates going, cries and clings to me, and wants me to tell the teacher a few thousand things before she is willing to let go of me just enough for the teacher to grab and run. It’s not a pleasant experience, but it’s something that I need to be doing.
Picking her up, on the other hand, is brilliant. She comes bouncing out of school, unable to contain her excitement at seeing me! Today was only the third time I have been able to pick her up but she is over the moon that from now on it will be no one but me. It’s so nice to be loved!!
I made sure we had new paints and play doh for her to come home to, so we spent around 2 hours making masks and crowns with paint and glitter. After being at work all day there is no time or energy left for doing these things, so it was awesome being able to give her all of my energy and attention without the distraction of cooking, cleaning, or prepping for tomorrow.
There was a reason I needed to give up work…
As for school though, there are a few things we are having to work on. I know there are a lot of parents out there who are dealing with anxiety in their children and I would love to hear what you all think of my little one’s situation. She has started asking bizarre questions and taking a lot of things you say to her very literally, to the point where she has become afraid of dying. She is three and a half years old and is scared that she will get old and die, or fall over and die! She is afraid that ghosts will fill the room and say wooo wooo. She is afraid of her eyes falling out, or all her hair falling out, her skin coming off, or of mummy turning into a skeleton.
Sometimes it’s as though she is saying
things because she knows she gets attention if she does, but other times you can see the fear in her eyes. She chokes up and her eyes go wide.
It’s not a fun conversation, talking about death with a three year old. I don’t want to lie to her and say no, she will never die, so I’ve tried other things. Everything scares her, no matter how magically you put it.
In school, she is interacting well a lot of the time, but holding back a lot of the time too. She is particularly unhappy having to sit on the carpet with the other children, but we’ve no idea why. In this case, it would seem that she is trying to keep a level of control over her own situation. So when the teacher asks me if allowing her to sit on a chair near the carpet, rather than on it, is the right thing to do since she is getting her own way, I don’t know what to say.
Despite having a good day, most of which has been spent with me doing lovely fun things, she has had trouble this evening worrying about death and remembering a nightmare she had last night (my hands turned skeletal). With the help of her melatonin, she has fallen asleep comfortably, but since she was up at 1:30am after nightmares, it’s no wonder she is tired! We’ll just see how tonight goes…
Big question – have I done the right thing???
At the end of Day 1, I am absolutely sure I have made the right choice. I felt trapped and useless in the office, doing something I didn’t enjoy and paying someone else to do my real job. They got the chance to enjoy her and see her run around and have fun, while I sat in the office wishing the hours away. I’ve not earned one penny today, and I will have to work my backside off during every free minute I can find to make ends meet, but it is definitely worth it!!!